Tuesday, May 06, 2008

stealing my own post

I just posted this to a local mom board but I've decided I'm going to blog it also.

I need... something

I don't know what. More friends maybe? I have acquaintances but most don't seem to move past the being friendly when we are around each other... we don't talk on the phone or do anything together.

I moved to LA from FL 2 years ago and I left my bff of 17 years behind and I'm still sad over it.

I homeschool so I have my kids a lot and dh is applying for an offhore job so you know how that goes. lol I'm 32 and I have a 12yo son so playgroups and mom things have often been weird because I was a younger mom with an older child.

I'm not even sure what I want really because I don't have $ to really go out with friends even if I had them. I think I just needed to vent and feel sorry for my lonely self for a minute. I guess it's just one of those days.

The older I get the more I'm feeling this sense of being... lost. I think part of it is that the kids are getting older and in turn require so much less of me. They are easier to care for in many ways and leaves my resources less taxed and I'm wanting something to fill that void. My little biz is fairly successful considering it's size but I need more interpersonal connections. I just need more of something.


diane said...

i cannot tell you how much you sound like me....i think it might be the springtime. new growth coming out all over...whatever.

i'm in the same boat as you, little $$, working out of the house, not a big social network.....keep your head up.

we'll always have each other!
xo diane

Southern Boy said...

May I get all overly analytical?
This is not criticism, however, so I hope you take it in the spirit in which it's intended, which is coming from a person who only "knows" you in one facet but understands the wonderful type of person you are.

First of all, I think we can agree that Louisiana is an...intriguing place. Outside of church, which is the primary social setting, there's not a lot of ways to meet someone there. Also, something I notice in my own family and friends, there's a tendency to turn your life over to your children. That's not a bad thing, not at all. But it's just like you mentioned here: as they grow older, you see they need you less and less. And you did that, too, I can guarantee. You grow, you experiment, you branch out, and no matter what your parents put into you, you need to devote yourself to, well, you.
And now they're doing it and it's leaving you with that feeling of, "What now?"
My parents put a lot into raising me and my brother. I am close to him now after our teen years and we talk about our parents a lot. They pretty much gave themselves over to us and to church. Church spit on them (because they allowed themselves to be used) and our lives can't be devoted to seeing that they are satisfed.
Whew. Why did I bring all of that up? I guess all just to say you are young, smart, fun, beautiful, and all the other things which make you a great person, of which being a mom (and a really good one) is just another facet. And it can't be your all and your only. I think you can be an even better mom by also being a fully realized individual outside of your children.
How to do that? I certainly don't know. I am a gay guy, after all. :-) And part of the reason I have no interest in children is the distinct fear that I'd not devote enough of myself to them or resent them for taking too much of me.
But I think you have a lot to offer the world. Perhaps a hobby that will help you meet people? Like, I don't know, podcasting? :-)